Disconnection Can Show Up Like…

-Crippling Anxiety- every choice seems to carry an immense impact. So everyday choices may feel too risky or like life and death. 

-Depressed Mood- low and hopeless as if you’re trapped in a joyless life that you have no control over. 

-Shame- you may feel like you’re bad or worthless and need to hide your true self.

-Resentment- you may find yourself angry with others and blame them for problems in your life.

-Dissociation & Numbness- you might not feel able to name your feelings or find you go through life feeling like you’re not really in your body

-Chronic Pain & Health Issues- high levels of stress and cortisol can manifest as health problems and often when you’re stuck difficult life patterns, doctor visits and self care may be last on your priority list, further exacerbating illness and pain.

Sound Like You?

Role Reversal- perhaps you were a parentified child and took up significant and frequent responsibility for things typically handled by adults like offering emotional support to your parent, managing the household tasks with little or no support, needing to source food and necessities, and raising younger siblings.

Lack of Emotional Support- you may notice that you lacked understanding and comfort from your parents or caregivers when you felt sad, mad, anxious, or overwhelmed. As an adult you may notice you have trouble knowing what to do to support your loved ones or handle ruptures in your relationships when they happen.

Resentment- you may notice that you take up responsibilities that aren’t yours and you don’t feel able to communicate your needs or feelings. You’re afraid of the response you or the impact you’ll have if you do voice your needs.  When you choose to stuff it down, you’re crippled with overwhelm.

In-law Dynamics- when marriages happen, there are a lot of assumptions. If you’re fortunate, there’s also a lot of benefit of the doubt given and flexibility about differences from each family. Otherwise, you may experience the rollercoaster of anxiety, disappointment, and disconnection of unmet (sometimes unspoken) expectations of family. His parents expected Christmas to be spent at your husband’s childhood home every year. Your parents expected a phone call or visit with the kids every week. You’re stressed and exhausted thinking about being together.

Cultural and Value Differences- it drives you crazy that your parents believe or vote differently than you because it represents values you abhor or traditions you don’t want to hold onto. When you voice disagreement they panic and assault you with opinions. When they voice their opinions, you don’t have much patience either and you wonder how you’re supposed to keep a relationship at all.