3 Common Barriers to Self-care and How to Overcome Them

As parents, it's easy to find ourselves putting everyone else first. From the moment our kids arrive, life becomes an endless loop of nursing, diaper changes, and sleepless nights. In those early days, self-care feels impossible. Even as our children become more independent, many of us remain stuck in the habit of neglecting our own needs. Self-care, however, is a deliberate practice of maintaining and improving your health and well-being, recognizing your own physical, emotional, mental, and social needs. It’s not about indulgence, though part of sustainable wellness is about finding moments of enjoyment. If you struggle to identify what you like or want, take some time to rediscover yourself through trial and error—exploring what truly brings you joy. This self-knowledge will inform the routines and self-care that will work for you as an individual as well as a family.

Here are common barriers to self-care and how you might approach them instead:

1. Stress & Overwhelm

When you’re constantly managing the pressures of work, family, and everyday life, self-care often feels like just another task on a never-ending to-do list. 

This might be a familiar scenario- 

Eating a nutritious meal is not just about eating a meal. It comes with planning the meal, thinking about whether it’s healthy for you and your family. And if family members have different dietary needs, that’s another thing to add to your mental load. Then you get to meal prep. By the time you eat, you’re exhausted.  

Maybe you’ve been wanting to try a new self-care practice like meditation or exercise, but the thought of adding something else to your schedule feels impossible. The guilt builds up—you haven’t worked out in months, and who has time for a break when there’s always something more to do? Over time, this constant pressure leads to burnout, leaving you feeling guilty for not doing enough. You start to wonder if it’s worth trying. 

Self-care isn’t easy, and it’s common to notice certain areas being neglected, whether it's exercise, nutrition, hobbies, or relationships. If shame, guilt, or self-judgment creep in, acknowledge them with kindness. You may feel like you “should” have it all figured out by now, but that kind of self-criticism can be paralyzing. Instead of asking, "Why aren’t I better at this?", try shifting your mindset to something more curious: "What makes this hard for me? What am I learning about myself (my needs, my desires, etc)?" This gentler approach can make all the difference.

2. Poor Boundaries

Picture this: You’ve been asked to host the holiday party for extended family again. You did it last year, and now it’s expected, even though this year, you’re juggling a new job and your partner is away on business. Saying "no" feels stressful—you don’t want to disappoint anyone—but saying "yes" leaves you overwhelmed. You might hear that inner voice telling you that you “should” do it for the family or that they might judge you if you don’t.

You might find yourself polarized on the inside. It’s not that you don’t want to host—it’s that your plate is already full, and stretching yourself too thin only adds to the stress. Learning to set boundaries isn’t about shutting people out; it’s about knowing your limits and protecting your time and energy. When you notice feelings of resentment or burnout, that’s often a sign that it’s time to say “no” to something and focus on what you can handle.

External judgment or cultural expectations can also add to the challenge. Maybe your partner questions your need for a break, or a family member unintentionally (or intentionally) makes you feel guilty. You might start doubting whether you deserve that time to yourself, waiting for permission that you don’t need. It’s okay to seek help— in fact, this is probably one of the most important skills to learn to sustain healthy relationships with others and yourself. Getting help can look like delegation or support. Sometimes, it’s subscribing to a meal service, letting your mom hold the baby while you sleep, or sharing your heart with a friend who can hear you. Find a way to surround yourself with people (and services) that support your self-care. 

3. Perfectionism & Unrealistic Expectations

If you struggle with feeling like you have to do everything perfectly—be an exceptional employee, keep the house spotless, and be fully present for your kids, taking time for yourself will seem impossible. You might tell yourself, “I’ll just do it myself because it’ll be done right,” or “Once everything is perfect, I’ll take a break.”

But the truth is, things are rarely “done,” and waiting for completion seems to lead to exhaustion and burnout.  It might be helpful to get curious and ask yourself, “what does finishing the task or ‘doing it right’ mean to me?” What’s important about it? You might be absolutely right that the task at hand is important. AND it would be important to reflect on whether or not you believe self-care is ALSO important and may need more of your attention right now. 

What’s the hardest thing for you as you manage self-care? 

Whichever way you experience this challenge, it helps to start with this question. To answer it, give this a try:

  1. Observe your internal world. What does the voice sound like? Maybe it’s critical or feeling hopeless.

  2. Get curious. What does this part of you desire for you? Most likely, it wants good things for you. Maybe it’s success, connection, or to be “good.” 

  3. Name the feeling.

  4. Acknowledge the part of you that feels overwhelmed, guilty, or resentful and sit with it. Ever notice that when our feelings are dismissed by others, we tend to feel worse or escalate ruptures in relationships? It’s the same when we relate with ourselves. That part needs compassion and empathy.

  5. When you’ve named the feeling or part of you that’s having this experience, you’ll likely have a better sense of what you need- a gentle voice to assure the self-critic, practice saying “no” more frequently (sometimes just because), or implementing “imperfection” as a practice, etc. 

Self-care is hard, but it’s essential. Whether you’re navigating stress, managing boundaries, or dealing with perfectionism, recognizing these barriers and approaching them with self-compassion and curiosity can help you break free from the cycle of self-neglect. You already have permission and you’re worthy of care. 

If you’re wanting support in caring and connecting better with yourself, let’s talk. You can schedule a free consult with me here.